Buddies 4 LYF
by RenegadeZabuzaMomochi
Summary: Asuka realizes that everything is not what it seems. After finding out her best online friend is none other than her cousin, Jin, she is forced to bond with him AND Lili as well as the entire crew. Chaos ensues. Rated M for a reason.
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Tekken or any franchise mentioned here.

Chapter One.

_"Uh oh..." Jin stammered as he stared at me. He wanted to run. He really did. You can tell by the way he was visibly shaking in fear. He was trembling so bad, you'd probably think there's an earthquake. Jin began sweating profusely as boogers started dripping from his nose, whimpering while holding a distorted facial expression. And I think he took a crap in his pants. Well, whatever's happening and whatever was going through his mind wasn't important. I was too angry at him. He did something very, VERY bad. And I punched him. No, I __**DESTROYED**__ him. I sent an angry fist to his face, feeling his nasal cavity smashing in as the impact caused his skull to split. There was flying goo everywhere but it wasn't blood. Just his snot. We all know Jin will miraculously survive that hit. But that's not what pissed me off. I punched him to Jinpachi's unconscious body and the idiot grabbed onto him so he could stop flying over the place but he brought Jinpachi with him. Then he landing in front of a bunch of news reporters who were supposed to record the final match between Jinpachi and I but their unexperienced asses were too slow to get to Ground Zero. This is why people should start exercizing more. Because they were both knocked out, everyone assumed Jin won the tournament. That's... what pissed me off._

"I really hate you!" Asuka screamed at the top of her lungs. Her father had recovered quick enough to witness Asuka fighting Lili using her family's fighting style and he was disappointed by her behavior. She was grounded for two months and was forced to clean up after everyone finished practicing. To make matters worse, she has to tutor Lili in Japanese! HOW THE HELL DID THIS HAPPEN?

"Oh, it was easy. Nina knew who my favorite Power Ranger was and now I get to dress up as the Yellow Ranger for Mardi Gras!" Jin smiled on T.V. and everyone in attendance just looked at each other.

"... Interesting, Mr. Kazama, but what does that have to do with the global crisis with the invasion of G Corporation?" one reporter asked. Jin was about to say something but Nina whispered in his ears.

"Gotta' go! I have a meeting with my stylist!" Jin flipped everyone the bird but recovered with a peace sign. He was still confused with foreign gestures, having lived in a forest for more than half of his life. Waves upon waves of questions were being barked at him and Tekken Force soldiers were holding them off.

Oh. That's how it happened. "I'm going to kill that man!" Asuka shook a fist at the T.V. in her room. She was previously watching a Japanese drama before her program was interrupted.

"Asuka?" Asuka turned to the door which was slightly open and a familiar voice was heard. Asuka quickly changed the channel to a karate show and she sat down all masculine-like. She even put her hands down her shorts like a dude digging his balls but that was really unnecessary... "Asuka, what are you doing?"

"Oh, you know... watching people beat the crap out of each other. What's up, Xiao?"

"Are you sure you're watching guys beat the crap out of each other or fantasizing about guys half-naked touching each other and Jin is sexy."

"What?"

"What?"

"Uh..."

"Nothing. How much longer are you grounded?"

"Two more weeks! Huzzah!" Asuka pumped her fists in the air and was tearing in joy.

"Great! So your old man gave you priveleges during your grounding?"

"Yeah, I can go out but I have to be back before seven. Why, what's up? And why are you smiling like that?" Asuka raised a 'brow at her because Xiaoyu was giving her a devious smile.

"I have something for yooouuu," Xiaoyu said in a sing-song tone.

"Should I ask? No, I shouldn't. What is it?" Asuka gulped.

"Ta-da!" Xiaoyu held out a giant box and a large boquet of roses. Both had a tag saying it was to her from a "mysterious stranger."

"OH GOD. When is Hwoarang going to quit?" Asuka groaned but she accepted them anyway.

"What makes you think it's from him?" Xiaoyu raised an eyebrow at her. Asuka furrowed her eyes at Xiaoyu and pulled out the tag from the box that said, "P.S.: I didn't steal the flowers this time! Love, Hwoarang."

"Does that answer your question?"

"Heh. Well, those are from Hwoarang, the box of chocolates are from Steve."

"Why is more than half of the box half-eaten?" Asuka was studying the box and she noticed that only three were left. She looked to Xiaoyu who had very little hints of chocolate on her lips. Plus, she smelled like caramel.

"Don't look at me!"

"Huh, the note here says they were frog guts."

"EW! ME AND HWOARANG ATE HALF OF THOSE!"

"HAH!"

"FINE! But we were only thinking of you! We know you don't like Steve."

"And we **both** know I don't like either of them!"

"Well, _who_ do you like?"

"... I dunno'."

"Jeeze, Suki, when are you going to get a boyfriend?"

"Hey! What about you!"

"My eyes are set on one person..." Xiaoyu sighed dreamingly as she clasped her hands together. This made Asuka do a mock gagging action because it was obvious who her crush was.

"Gross."

"Oh, please. Just because he's your cousin doesn't mean anything."

"Okay, let me justify the gross factor by the fact you confessed your love for him while he was taking a dump."

"Ah, what a precious moment!"

"You wouldn't think it was so precious if you had been sober!"

"Shut up!"

"Heh."

"So... exactly what do you do all day?"

"Eh? Well... just this, I guess..." Asuka pointed at her laptop. Evidently, she had been watching videos on YouTube and spent majority of her time playing online video games, especially Maple Story with her favorite female buddy _FatalLightningJ_. They had gotten so close ever since she helped Asuka get some of the harder items and donated some yen for her avi and the two have been inseparable. They were even PlayStation Network buddies, often playing Modern Warfare 2, Resident Evil 5, Uncharted 2 and others.

"You need a life."

"Hey! I so have a life! Plus, this beats going out and getting smashed drunk every weekend. FLJ is pretty cool."

"You sure that's a girl?"

"Well, FLJ always used female avatars so I assumed she is. Besides, I actually enjoy online gaming because of her! Wish she had a mic, though..."

"Yeah, that would validate her gender."

"I wouldn't really care anyway. Guy or girl, I need to reach the final Prestige and beat my Mercenaries score!"

"... Nerd."

"... Nympho."

"Am not!"

"... Jin stalker."

"That's better." Xiaoyu smiled at her.

"Usually she signs in, but I guess I won't be playing Maple Story tonight..."

"Ew. I bet you play World of... um..."

"Hell no! That's where I draw the line."

"Okay, good."

"So..."

"I'm bored."

"What do you wanna' do?"

"Wanna' watch Hwoarang and Steve get harassed by my father's students?"

"Huh?"

"It's a quarter to five. They usually bang on the gates at that time."

"Do you have popcorn?"

"Let's go!"

Strange as it may seem, Asuka was right about those two. Xiaoyu and Asuka were on the dojo's rooftops with treats while Hwoarang and Steve brawled for a couple of minutes. And as usual, the two made peace, wished each other luck in wooing her, and began a friendly competition of... well, wooing her. Steve put on a cowboy hat and started serenading her with a guitar while Hwoarang got on his knees (in a tuxedo, might I add), while he sang songs from Air Supply. He even finished the number by bowing with a rose in between his teeth and wiggling his eyebrows. The only person clapping was Steve. Asuka and Xiaoyu both exchanged glances at each other, and Asuka made a gagging motion. People passing by either thought they were really sweet or really creepy. A few even put some coins in the guitar case.

"Where's everybody? Don't your daddy's students usually come out now?"

"That's what I'm wondering, too..." Asuka looked at the time on her cell-phone. They've been at it for twenty minutes and nobody chased them away yet. "Where the heck is everyone!" She threw her hands in the air.

"DON'T DO IT, ASUKA!" Steve reached out dramatically. He was extending his arms through the gates.

"Whu'..." Asuka stared blankly.  
"You have much to love, you're too young to die!" Hwoarang piped in. He was sticking his face through, so much that you can see his lips trying to squeeze through the gates.

"But I'm not..."

"STEVE!" Nina called out to Steve. Slowly but surely, he turned around to see his mother with her arms folded while tapping her combat boots. Clearly she was angry.

"HAH! You're boned!" Hwoarang was on his way to tease him but was smacked on the back of his head. "Shit..."

"You did not come home after work! I was worried sick of you!" Baek Doo San shouted at his pupil and began dragging him back home. Nina did the same.

"We'll be back for you... MY LOVE!" Steve and Hwoarang shouted while reaching out for her. They began kicking and screaming profanities at their respective care-givers soon after.

"Weird," Xiaoyu stated with a stick of Pocky in her mouth. She was kicking her legs out of boredom after that little spectacle.

"Totally. What's Nina doing here, though? Usually she doesn't leave Jin's side-"

"HI, ASUKA!" Asuka looked down and her blood suddenly disappeared from her veins. She went pale.

"HELL NO!" Asuka shrieked but Xiaoyu fainted after squealing.

_No, no, NO! NONONONONO!_ The person who called for them was none other than Jin Kazama. So that probably explains why Nina was there. Jin entered the gates and started walking sexily. Xiaoyu woke up and squealed again due to his sexiness as he walked in slow motion. Hell, he even had Eddy Gordo with a boombox held over his head to further his sex appeal. Also with him was Christie Monteiro twirling for absolutely no reason and Miguel Rojo shaking maracas while shaking his hips left and right flamboyantly. For what seemed like a century, Jin finally closed the distance between him and the girls and Asuka managed to recover. She was still pissed, though.

"WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE, KAZAMA!" Asuka shouted. An apple hit her head. She looked up but saw no tree above them.

"I didn't see you online, SoaringBirdSuki!"

"What?"

"I thought we were going to play Super Street Fighter IV today! And I brought an early copy of Little Big Planet 2!" Jin smiled and held out a copy of LBP2. Asuka's face drained of colour.

"FatalLightningJ?" Asuka asked. Her voice was so hoarse and she was just about to cry. _This is my best friend from online?_

"Yes, ma'am!" Jin's smile got bigger as he gave her a thumbs up and posed. His upper clothing ripped apart, and his muscles showed. Fan girls swarmed from every corner and Xiaoyu began plucking them away with human-sized tweezers.

"No."

"Not today?"

"You can't be her!"

"Her?"

"You can't be FatalLightningJ!"

"I am?"

"No, you're not!"

"I am him!"

"Impossible! She's actually smart!"

"Oh, you were probably playing with Lili when you guys use text chat."

"LILI?"

"Yeah."

"OH. EM. GEE."

"Small world, eh! I brought extra controllers!"

"I got dibs!" Eddy, Miguel and Christie shouted, rushing into Asuka's room.

"You can't be her! She was... she was my best friend..." Asuka couldn't hold the tears anymore. _WHY THE FUCK AM I BEING PUNISHED BY THIS PERVERT __**AND**__ SNOBBY RICH BITCH?_

"HEY!" Xiaoyu huffed.

"My best friend ONLINE, Xiao."

"Better." Xiaoyu smiled and resumed keeping the fan girls away.

"Jin! I haven't seen you in ages!" Jin's uncle greeted Jin.

"Uncle Old Man Kazama!" Jin greeted back. The two began conversing and Asuka continued fuming. She was mostly shocked in disbelief.

"I told that jackass and bitch my darkest secrets... WHY ME?" Asuka got on her knees and shouted to the heavens. She decided to let the heathen gods feel her pain. They sent her Lightning.

"What?" Lightning stared at Asuka after descending from the skies.

"Who the hell are you?"

"Uh... Lightning? Duh."

"GET LOST!" Asuka pushed her off the roof, right ontop of Miguel who took his time rushing in by shaking his hips with maracas in his hands. "I'm doomed."

"We can stay the night? Thanks, Uncle Old Man Kazama! Hey, Asuka, guess what!" Jin called out. Asuka smacked her face repeatedly because she heard Jin the first time.

"What," she asked reluctantly. She already knew what's happening.

"We're sleeping over! HOORAY!"

"Yay." Asuka was clearly not as excited as Jin.

"And we're sharing your bed! Me, you, Miguel, Christie, Eddy, Lightning and Xiaoyu!"

"WHAT?"

_To be continued..._

**AN:** I'm a big fan of Lightning and Asuka, and I also don't hate the other characters here. So don't misunderstand. I'm welcoming ideas. The best ones would be integrated into the story. Read and review!


	2. Chapter DOO

**Notes:** I forgot to mention this. Yeah, this idea was really random after I was playing a certain online game for a bit and one of my close friends turned out being a girl instead of a guy. Needless to say, I still play with her while I tease her for pretending to be a dude and this inspired me to write a fan-fic using my favorite Tekken character.

Chapter DOO.

"BUT, DADDY!" Asuke whined. She tried getting her father to change her mind. She went from crying, to huddling in the corner while crying, to throwing things, to threatening to run away, to flushing Jin down the toilet; everything. Nothing seemed to faze the man.

"No buts. The only butt that's going to be changing is yours. Now go change and get ready for dinner. That's an order, young lady!" Asuka's father pointed her to her room and she obeyed, stomping every way there.

"I hate you!" Asuka cried.

"I heard that!"

"GOOD!"

Asuka entered her room and all of the stooges were trying to hook up the controllers to the PS3. Hell, even Paul Phoenix and Marshall Law were there. Well, Paul helps train the students in Three Stoogitsu while Marshall helps in the culinary field. They've been wanting to play Super Street Fighter IV since it came out, and Paul was bragging about how his Guile can beat Marshall's Guy. Miguel was still shaking his maracas, Eddy was surfing the internet for dance moves, Xiaoyu and Christie were both ogling Jin while he was enjoying a fudge brownie. His eyes were closed and he savored it slowly. You can tell by the way his mouth was movie like a retard. The two girls sighed daydreamingly.

"Great. Just great." Asuka groaned. Paul and Marshall looked at Asuka and ran to her.

"Hey, kid, how do you plug in the controllers?" Paul asked. He looked desperate. So did Marshall.

"Kid? Who you callin' a kid, you farm animal!" Asuka snatched the controllers and pressed the PS button and surely, it went on. Paul and Marshall were amazed by this and started to play Super Street Fighter IV. Sighing, Asuka sat on her bed while she watched everyone in the room. "Can this day get any worse?"

"Mmm'mm. Brownie." Jin was chewing so damn loud in the room.

"Shut up. Jerk." Asuka laid on her bed with her face buried on her pillow. Suddenly, she felt someone on her. "GET OFF!"

"KETCHUP SONG!" Miguel started doing the salsa on Asuka while Eddy played that one ketchup song.

"Shake those maracas, Miguel!" Eddy shouted. He took off his shirt and started swinging his arms around.

"GET OFF ME, TACO MAN!" Asuka pushed Miguel off her.

"Rawr!" Christie slapped Asuka's ass. "You're sexy when you're angry." Christie bit her lip. Asuka began moving back slowly and it briefly caused some silence.

"You're a dyke?" Xiaoyu asked Christie.

"Nah, but you gotta' admit Asuka's hot as hell," Christie pointed out. Cheers of agreement and wolf whistles from fan boys lurking outside were heard.

"Agreed," said Lightning. She had been sitting on a chair with her legs crossed and her arms folded this whole time.

"I can't believe you people!" Asuka shouted. She was blushing from the praise of her beauty, though. _I never thought I was that good looking..._

"Asuka, I need to poo." Jin looked up at Asuka who looked like a lost puppy. He was holding his butt. She sighed. She may find him unbelievably retarded but he's still a relative.

"Follow me..." Asuka led Jin out of the room.

"Where is the crapper?" Jin looked left to right.

"Down the hall, down the stairs, walk out the front door, out the gate and it should be somewhere within the Mishima Zaibatsu."

"Oh, okay."

"Asuka!" Asuka turned around to see her father staring at her with daggers.

"Sheesh! This way." Asuka slumped.

"I need to hold your hand," Jin said.

"What?" Asuka turned around slowly to see Jin extending his hand. _Are you serious? You're twenty-one, guy!_

"I never go alone!" Jin frowned.

"Fine!" Asuka grabbed her hand, blushing the whole way. Prior to the fifth tournament, she didn't even know he existed. Even then, she knew she had a relative to hate. "There. Go doo-doo or whatever." Asuka was going to head back in, but Jin grabbed her, forcing Asuka to fall butt first on the floor. "WHAT THE HELL, MAN!"

"I never go alone!" Jin pleaded.

"You're joking."

"No way! Mother never taught me how to poop!"

"Then who watches you?"

"Nina. But before, it was Marduk. He used to blow my belly after I finished pooping!" Jin smiled.

"Ew."

"Okay, here I go!" Jin pulled down his pants and sat down. Asuka immediately turned away and covered her nose.

"Oh, GOD! What did you eat for lunch?"

"I had corn soup."

"Why the fuck did I ask!"

"Can you tell me a story?"

"What!"

"Tell me a story! Puh-!"

"FINE! Only if it distracts me from that smell."

"YAY!"

"Okay, once upon a time, a gorgeous yet powerful fighter entered a martial arts tournament. She beat the final opponent but some dick head stole her thunder. He also touched a no-no spot. She punched her and he died. The end."

"BOO!" Jin punched the wall. "I don't like that! Though that does sound familiar..."

"Yeah, no kidding."

"Tell me a better story!" Jin clenched his jaws and showed her his teeth.

"Okay, fine! Once upon a time..."

For what seemed like an hour, she told the story of her life using a fake name. She got so into it that she even told him her dreams of joining some international special police organization one day and teaching martial arts. She told him how she loved walking through the park during Summer while the sakura trees are blossoming by herself, riding her bike after school and swimming in a lake. While reminding herself and Jin that it's a fictitious story, of course. She looked at Jin who had his head leaning against the wall. He was asleep.

"Okay, that's just weird and gross." Asuka got up and Jin fell on the floor. Luckily, he had cleaned himself up and flushed the toilet while she told the story, and luckily for her, his shirt was covering his manhood. His pants were still dangling between his ankles, though, and he was in an awkward position. "At least he's asleep," she told herself. She left the bathroom as she adjusted herself, sweating from the lack of air con in a bathroom. She bumped into Lightning who had her jaws dropped. "What?"

"You are... SICK!" Lightning leaned back with her mouth covered by her hand.

"Huh?"

"I can't believe you! What dares you to drive such a thing!"

"Okay, listen, he really needed it so I had to do it because nobody else would."

"But he's your cousin!"

"Exactly. It's because he's my cousin. He may be annoying, but I still got some tiny bit of love for him. Tiny, though." Asuka made a pinching motion with her fingers and squinted her eyes.

"Tiny? I think you just showed him a lot of it! You are utterly disgusting!"

"Hey, I had no choice! He practically begged me! He's asleep, though. I thought it'd be quick so keep your voice down."

"Ew."

"I know, right?"

"So how was it?"

"What the... how was it? I thought you were grossed out!"

"Not really. I'm fascinated by sex in every form it takes."

"Wait, what?" Asuka stared blankly at Lightning.

"I should go... I'll come back soon. You kids enjoy." Lightning smiled, winking at Asuka.

Asuka watched Lightning leave the house, still confused. She turned around to see the position in was in. Then she got the idea. _OH. EM. GEE. She thought I was doing my own cousin! THAT IDIOT!_ Asuka clenched her fist, gritting her teeth. She turned to her left and saw Xiaoyu with an armful of candy. She was about to cry.

"Xiao?"

"Suki, how could you! You knew I wanted to be Jin's first sexual encounter!"

"You don't understand, I was simply doing him a favor."

"Yeah, doing him, right! You probably wanted it, too!"

"NO! Ew."

"I thought we were besties, I GUESS NOT!" Xiaoyu sat on the floor, crying while still holding an armful of candy.

"I was taking him to the bathroom!"

"To do him!"

"No! He needed it!"

"So you guys can do it! I was suspicious when you guys were holding hands! OH EM GEE, SUKI!"

"FOR FUCK'S SAKE, I WASN'T DOING HIM!"

"OH, SO YOU WERE JUST GIVING HIM HEAD!"

"WHAT THE HELL, NO! HE NEEDED TO POO!"

"Oh. 'Kay."

"Happy?"

"Yes. Hey, when'd you guys stock up on Twinkies?"

"My father believes we might enter a nuclear war so he decided to stock up on food that survives radioactive warfare."

"Neat."

"Very."

"Should we wake him?"

"Nah, I gave him a little something so he can stay away from us."

"OH EM GEE, YOU **WERE** DOING HIM!"

"... Yes, that's exactly what I was doing."

"HOW COULD YOU!"

"Xiao. Shut up before I really do him." Asuka furrowed her eyebrows at her.

"... Ew, Suki. You know I was just kidding the whole time, but... ew." Xiaoyu grimaced and decided to head back to Asuka's room before things got more awkward.

"WAIT, I TAKE THAT BACK!"

"Nope, too late. I'm saving that for later."

"I'm going to kill you, Jin Kazama..." Asuka gritted her teeth at the half-naked man who was now sucking his thumb.

Asuka approached her door, sighing heavily as she feels she might end up losing sleep. She opened it slowly, watching everyone doing what they were doing previously. Except that Miguel and Christie swapped clothes and now Christie is shaking his maracas and Miguel was applying lipstick to his face. Asuka laid down on her bed and she felt a hand squeezing her butt again.

"Stop it, Xiao," she grumbled.

"Who said I'm Xiao? I'm JIN."

"Oh, shut up! Buddha, help me." Asuka got up to see Xiaoyu smiling at her.

"Bwuahahaha. This is payback!"

"For what!"

"I dunno', I'll think of something."

"Bah."

"Dinner's ready, guys!" Asuka's father called out.

"About time!" Paul got up, and punched everyone out of his way save for Xiaoyu and Asuka. Oh, and Jin.

"This ought to be interesting." Xiaoyu snickered while rubbing her hands evilly.

"I can't wait," Asuka replied sarcastically.

Dinner was interesting indeed. Jin was the first one there and for whatever reason, he was shirtless. This caused Asuka to blush. Don't get her wrong, though, aside from the students at her dojo and the boys at school, she has never met a man so muscular and handsome. Not to mention courteous enough to be setting up the food and plates. He was two things Asuka hated when it came to relationships: a moron and a relative. Jin turned around to flash Asuka a sexy smile, making her blush more. She punched him in retaliation.

"What'd I do!" Jin whined.

"I don't know!" Asuka exclaimed frustatingly. She sat down on her seat with her arms folded.

"Jeeze, Suki. What's eggin' ya'?" Xiaoyu asked her. Asuka just stared at her with annoyance.

"Nothing."

"Okay, let us pray..." her father began.

"Rub-a-dub-dub, thanks for the grub," Jin finished the prayer. Everyone began digging in

"Let's get this over with... what the..." Asuka was reaching for some fish when her chopsticks collided with Paul's.

"THE FISH IS MINE!"

"Like hell it is!" Asuka flipped Paul off.

"You may take away the rice... you may take away the bozu... BUT YOU CAN'T TAKE AWAY... MY FISH FREEDOM! THIS! IS! SPARTAAA!" Paul kicked Marshall in the face who was just about to place some beef in his mouth.

"WHERE'S THE TABASCO!" Miguel slammed his maracas on the table.

"PASS ME THE SOY SAUCE!" Eddy threw Christie the boombox which she managed to dodge.

"ARE YOU JAPANESE?" Christie shouted at Jin. Jin's eyes went wide.

"What... WHAT IS THIS?" Jin looked at the bowl of soup to his right.

"That's soup, moron," Asuka answered.

"I have THIS!" Jin held up a giant spoon he got from his SpongeBob back-pack.

"So... how was having sex with Jin, Suki?" Xiaoyu asked slyly.

"WHAT?" Everyone turned their attentions to Asuka who was about to put her spoon to her mouth. It went dead quiet.

"Uh..." Asuka began but she had nothing to say in her defense. Not while the attention was on her.

"My own daughter slept with my own nephew?" Asuka's father beamed her an angry face.

"No, dad, I didn't! You see..."

"THIS CALLS FOR A CELEBRATION!" Asuka's father clapped his hands and several men in suits came with dessert platters. "My child... you are now a woman." He wiped a tear from his eyes. Jin was looking around, wondering what the hell sex even means. He assumed it was cake and so he sat next to Asuka.

"Hey, Asuka, let's have sex again! Open wide!" Jin smiled and was trying to feed her.

"WHAT THE FUCK, I THOUGHT YOU WERE KIDDING, SUKI!" Xiaoyu stood up, staring in disbelief.

"I wasn't even joking!"

"OH EM GEE, YOU REALLY DID IT WITH JIN? GROSS!" Xiaoyu pointed accusingly at Asuka.

"NO! GOD, WHAT IS WITH YOU PEOPLE?"

"Come on, Asuka, I wanna' have sex again! Hurry up so I can go!" Jin frowned. Asuka punched Jin in the head.

"FOR ONE, CAKE IS NOT SEX! STOP SAYING THAT!"

"... Oh." Xiaoyu sat down.

"What's sex, then?" Jin asked stupidly.

"Ask Xiao." Asuka hung her head down and pointed at Xiaoyu.

"What's sex, Xiao?" Jin looked curious as ever and Xiaoyu was gleaming with a smile.

"I'll show you!" Xiaoyu dragged Jin upstairs, locked the door and everyone knows what happened.

"Happy?" Everyone stopped staring and returned back to creating chaos at dinner. "Ugh."

"You know, having sex with cousins is actually the in thing today," said a voice so annoying that it's familiar.

"What do you want, Lili?"

"Asuka Kazama, I'm shocked! I've come to thank you by giving you desserts and here you are thinking I'm blackmailing you!"

"What do you want, Lili?" Asuka repeated. She had her cheek laying on her palm, too exhausted to strangle her.

"I want you to tell everyone you're sleeping with Jin Kazama at school tomorrow." Lili smiled.

"WHAT!"

"And that your boobs are fake." Lili giggled at the thought of Asuka actually saying that.

"They are not!" Asuka defended.

"YEAH!" Hwoarang, Steve and now Jin, who emerged from the room without any clothes on but had his dong covered by Asuka's pillow supported Asuka. Hwoarang and Steve were hanging on the chandeliers, staring down at Asuka's shirt. A bottle of lotion and two rolls of toilet tissue paper fell from their pants.

"I should kill you." Asuka grabbed a handgun that was placed conveniently on the table and pointed it at them. This just made Hwoarang and Steve do their bonding time with their hotdogs more because they could still see inside of Asuka's shirt. And the generous amount of flesh displayed that was her cleavage.

"YOU HAVE FORSAKEN THE LAWS OF THE KETCHUP!" Eddy shouted at Hwoarang and Steve. Miguel's jaw dropped.

"RUN!" Hwoarang and Steve ran as soon as Miguel got up with a giant rocket launcher.

"CHARGE!" Miguel shouted, giving chase. Eddy followed him with a baseball bat.

"That was delicious!" Christie leaned back, having finished her meal.

"You can say that again!" Xiaoyu emerged from the bedroom with her face flushed from exhaustion and happiness in nothing but her bra and panties.

"Dude, I think I'm stoned." Paul was swaying back and forth. He, Marshall and Asuka's father had been smoking weed this whole time.

"Interesting family. I may move in here." Lili sat down and began picking on Asuka's plate.

"What, why!"

"It's vacation and I have nothing better to do." Lili shrugged.

"Vacation? It's second semester."

"I don't attend Japanese school. Home-schooled, remember?"

"Oh, right. But why here?"

"You always have the best stuff."

"At my own expense, sure. Bitch."

"Slut."

"I'm a virgin!" Asuka shouted and Lili caught that on her phone.

"That look is priceless!" Lili roared in laughter.

"So? I don't mind saving myself for the right man!"

"Or woman."

"Shut up already!"

"But I meant the booger sticking out of your nose." Lili showed Asuka the booger hanging from her nose from the picture she took.

"I'm killing you, Rochefort!"

"I love you too, Asuka." Lili smiled.

Asuka and Lili watched everyone chasing each other. Lili sat down politely right next to Asuka while she munched on Japanese donuts. Miguel and Eddy had been chasing Hwoarang and Steve for whatever reason, Christie was pounding beer, Marshall was knocked out on the dinner table, her father was urinating on the house plants, Paul was "going through a field in the Vietnam War" with a bowl as his helmet and a spatula as his weapon, Jin had been trying to escape Xiaoyu's extremely potent sex drive because after discovering sex, he decided he didn't like it, especially after going through sixteen rounds with Xiaoyu. Asuka groaned and Lili patted her back.

"Don't worry, Asuka. I'm here for you."

"Can it."

"I'll be recording every humiliating detail for when we get married- erm, when I transfer to your school."

"WHAT!"

"I got daddy to put me in the same school with you, Xiaoyu, Jin, Miguel... well, everyone, basically."

"DOUBLE WHAT!"

"And all of us have the same class! Isn't this neat!" Lili held out her arms and made sure to push her chest forward so Asuka can stare at her. Unfortunately for Lili, Asuka just stared at her face in disbelief and the fact Asuka has breasts, too.

"TRIPLE WHAT!"

"Actually, I'm a C-Cup."

"Someone kill me now..." Asuka banged her head on the table.

"Relax, Asuka..." Lili started stroking Asuka's hair and tried traveling her hand down to her butt but her hand stopped at the middle of her back by Asuka's hand. "I'm here." Lili whispered seductively in her ear.

"I know. Shut up already." Asuka got up and saw Lili trying to lean in for a kiss. Asuka was going to punch her but she had already been separated. Asuka looked up to see Renegade Zabuza Momochi holding Lili in a vice grip. "Where the hell have you been, man!"

"LET ME GO! DON'T TAKE ME AWAY FROM MY LOVELY!" Lili started kicking and screaming.

"I was shopping," the author replied.

"Well, put order back in here!"

"I can't. Everytime something bad happens, something bad happens to me as well."

"YEAH, AND?"

"Hey, girl!" Tifa appeared out of nowhere and saw Zabuza holding Lili. "GET OFF MY MAN!" Tifa roundhoused Lili off of Zabuza and the moment she was free, she jumped on a clone of Zabuza. "Oh, HONEY-POO!" Tifa left the premises in search for him.

"See what I mean?"

"Why does that girl look so familiar?" Asuka started scratching her head. Zabuza gave her a picture of Bed Head Reno. Suddenly, she felt the urge to touch herself.

"Maybe that would help. Try not to spasm too much." Zabuza walked out of the room, returning to whatever the hell it is he should be doing.

"Ugh, why is this happening to me!" Asuka stomped the ground repeatedly. Lili suddenly wrapped her arms around Asuka from behind, reaching her hand into Asuka's shirt and grabbing her chest.

"Relax, doll, you have me," Lili whispered in Asuka's ear, licking her earlobes seductively.

"GET OFF ME!" Asuka elbowed Lili, turning around to see her keel over.

"How could you! I'm with child!" Lili began sobbing dramatically.

"WHAT!"

_To be continued..._

**AN:** I know, it's getting too random here. But I've been watching a lot of stoner flicks lately. And no, I don't smoke weed. Sorry, guys. Read and review!


	3. Chapter TREE

Chapter Tree.

Waking up wasn't any better for Asuka. She never expected to "host" a sleep-over where the guys in her room would be guys she didn't **want** in any sleep-over she hosted. Seriously, she never saw it coming. The one chance where guys can be alone with her are the ones she despised. And not to mention she was thinking of the plural term for guy.

Asuka stirred, finally waking up. Rubbing her eyes, the first person she spotted was Miguel in a tomato themed pajamas asleep on a beanbag chair. Eddy's feet were sticking out from the closet and she could easily tell it was him due to the fact he was the only one wearing Brazillian themed clothing. Christie and Xiaoyu were snuggling together on a futon but she couldn't find Jin, Lili or Lightning. She knew Law and Paul were up because their voices can be heard from downstairs.

"Ugh, I swear, this day better go by good. Hey, what the..." Asuka looked down to her chest area to see a hand groping it. She followed the hand which was connected to slender and smooth arms, and the arms they belonged to was a blonde girl from Monacco. She was wearing a satin gown which showed off way too much skin, especially her bossom and thighs. The blonde girl had been clutching Asuka rather affectionately and had her head laid on her chest area, while her leg was wrapped with Asuka's.

"OH. EM. GEE. GET OFF, YOU PSYCHO!" Asuka shrieked, pushing Lili off her. Lili shrieked as well, and fell on the ground on her butt.

"Excuse me, Asuka Kazama, but I was enjoying myself!" Lili protested. She got up and placed her fists on her hips, displaying defiance. This woke up everyone and Miguel started staring at Lili's butt. It had red stains on her evening dress.

"You... YOU HAVE FORSAKEN THE LAWS OF-" Miguel started.

"-THE KETCHUP!" Eddy finished.

"It looks like you were enjoying Asuka rather than yourself." Christie giggled.

"This may be true but pushing me off the bed is unnecessary." Lili pouted.

"Where's Jin?" Xiaoyu started looking around.

"Who cares?" Asuka didn't give a damn where Jin was. He could be knocked out in the toilet again for all she cares. She began rubbing her temples. Lili sat next to her and placed her head on Asuka's shoulders. "What did I just tell you, you spoiled brat!"

"Hush, I'm still sleepy."

"Shut up." Asuka punched Lili and sent her out of the window. Everyone was staring at her. "What?"

"Harsh, Suki. Very harsh." Xiaoyu wiggled her finger at Asuka.

"You'd do the same if Christie was hitting on you!"

"Not really." Xiaoyu blushed.

"What..." Asuka began staring at the two as Christie began smiling mischievously while Xiaoyu tried avoiding eye contact.

"I SMELL BREAKFAST!" Eddy got up and pointed out the door. Miguel got up as well and kicked down the door while the two raced to the kitchen.

"Hey, thanks a lot! You guys owe me a door!" Asuka shouted.

"Well, I'm going to change," Christie said.

"Me too. See you guys down stairs." Xiaoyu got up and headed for the bathroom.

"Why is this happening to me! Why!" Asuka shouted at the ceiling.

"Beats me. I don't even know why I'm here," said Lightning.

"Why are you back?"

"Like I said, I don't know why I'm here." Lightning had been in the room before Asuka even woke up. She was sitting on the chair near the desk with her legs crossed while she tapped her Blazefire gunblade. Exactly what you would see in promotional arts. Asuka pondered for a minute.

"Breakfast?"

"Do you have kimchi?"

"You're Korean?"

"... No. I'm an Archadian who's half Hume, half Viera."

"Yes, we have kimchi."

"... Indeed."

Breakfast was highly unusual. Everyone was dressed for school. Eddy and Miguel had been smothering ketchup on everything they ate, as well as their orange juice. Christie and Xiaoyu were gossiping about crap people with any sense of decency wouldn't care about while Paul and Law were flying pieces of food at each other. Asuka's shoulders slumped the instant she saw the chaos and Lightning could do nothing but shake her head. Nonetheless, the two women went down and situated themselves amongst the crowd.

"Where the hell are Jin and Lili?" Asuka asked while enjoying her food.

"Beats me." Lightning shrugged. She had been cutting loaves of bread with her gunblade.

"ARRRIBA! I HAVE SUCCEEDED!" Miguel shouted and started tap dancing on the table, the food flying everywhere and hitting Eddy's dreadlocks.

"... Oh... HELL NO, MO'FO'!" Eddy tackled Miguel down and they engaged in combat.

"I'm not hungry anymore." Asuka got up and went to get her school paraphernalia. After doing so, everyone had left and she saw Paul and Law cleaning up the mess while her father sat in a chair with a double-barrel shotgun. Asuka waved at her father who returned the gesture. But the instant she left the building, Jin had caught up with her with his own uniform.

"Hey, Asuka!" Jin greeted enthusiastically.

"Oh, Lord. Where have you been?"

"I was by..." Jin paused, holding his breath. Asuka stared with an eyebrow raised and suddenly realized he was holding his breath.

_Maybe I should let him die... or maybe I should beat him to death. Naaah._ "Jin, breathe," Asuka commanded.

"... a tree!" Jin began breathing rapidly, his voice so hoarse.

"A tree? Why were you by a tree?"

"I... don't... know!" Jin's eyes went wide.

"... Yeah. Come on, we'll be late- wait, why are you in a school uniform?"

"For school! Duh!"

"I know that, moron! I mean, shouldn't you have graduated?"

"Remember he lived in a forest, Asuka Kazama?" Lili came out of nowhere, twirling like a ballerina.

"Can it, jumbo thighs." Asuka smacked Lili with her briefcase and proceeded to get her bike.

The group had been fighting amongst themselves along their way to school. Well, Eddy and Miguel had been fighting while Xiaoyu and Christie exchanged "I know right" and "That's hot" back and forth. Lili took a limo to school while Jin used a helicopter. Asuka enjoyed the brief moment of peace while she rode her bicycle, knowing it would end by the time she entered school grounds. But fate had been too cruel to her. She had about five minutes to get to class and she was fifteen minutes away from school. But the girl had crazy muscles so she sped to school with all of her might.

"Oh no, I'm going to be late! Huh?" Asuka noticed something appearing out of nowhere.

"AAAHHH!" she screamed as she hit a limo. Asuka's eyes darted up where her bento box flew up in the air. She tried reaching for it but was too late. Her food had splattered on the ground.

"MY LUNCH!" Asuka cried out as she saw her Twinkies smashed on the floor. She stomped over to the limo and pounded on the window, effectively breaking it. "You idiot!"

"My, my! My first day at school and they already forgot the garbage!" Lili roared in laughter.

"You... bitch... I'll show you what happens to dumbasses who mess with people's lunch!" Asuka punched Lili but she simply dodged it. The two began exchanging blows as Sebastian got out of the passenger's seat.

"She's already making friends! I'm so proud of her!" Sebastian wiped away a tear and for some reason, the limo fly away. Luckily, the two girls had dodged whatever hit the limo and Sebastian.

"Yaaah! We're going to be late! Hurry, Miguel!" Xiaoyu kicked Miguel's ribcage as he picked up the pace. He and Eddy were piggy-backing Xiaoyu and Christie the entire way. Asuka and Lili saw this, and irritated that they were interrupted, proceeded to give chase.

"STOP RIGHT THERE!" Lili shouted, chasing them with a giant chainsaw.

"WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING!" Asuka chased them with a bazooka.

"BANZAI!" Jin shouted, jumping from the helicopter.

_Ten minutes later..._

"Hopefully, you've all learned your lesson." Kazuya looked at the group who got the wind knocked out of them. He turned to Heihachi.

"Jin, my boy... my naive, young, virgin-"

"HE'S SO NOT A VIRGIN!" Xiaoyu interrupted Heihachi. Kazuya put a sock in her mouth.

"Damn that Heihachi..." Asuka stirred as she woke up.

"FARTBLASTER! YO-HO!" Miguel got up, still a bit dizzy from Heihachi farting to stop the group from fighting.

"Anyway..." Heihachi cleared his throat. "You have been all placed in the same classes."

"WHAT!" Asuka shrieked. Apparently, Lili spoke the truth.

"Jin, you're the group captain. Everyone sticks by you."

"DOUBLE WHAT!" Asuka punched Jin in the face.

"So please try to behave, okay?" Kazuya finished. Heihachi smiled. _Keep smiling, old man. I've poisoned your coffee with JACK's "special sauce."_

"Do we get bathroom breaks?" Eddy asked.

"And ketchup breaks?" Miguel looked hopeful and so did Eddy.

"How about sex breaks?" Xiaoyu began to eye Jin like a horny school girl.

"What the fuck, Kazuya!" Asuka stood up, ready to beat him down but then remembered he was Jin's father.

"Watch your tongue, young lady!" Kazuya defended himself and Jun entered the room.

"That's not how you speak to your father, Asuka." Jun began staring at Asuka while her eyes suddenly went wide.

"Wait... father?" Asuka gulped.

"Indeed." Kazuya smiled. "Jun and I have been busy after Jin was born. Matter of fact, all of you are related.

"Yes. After Jin was born, Miguel and Eddy followed. They're twins. Followed by Christie and Xiaoyu." Jun placed her arm around Kazuya's.

"Wait a minute..." Xiaoyu began. She looked at Jin who was playing Rock, Papers & Scissors with Eddy and Miguel who literally had rocks, papers and scissors.

"This is too funny. You all should be on Jerry Springer," said Lili as she elegantly placed a hand on her mouth to prevent herself from laughing too hard.

"That's gross! Jin and Xiaoyu..." Christie held her stomach. "I mean..."

"What, had sex?" Kazuya raised an eyebrow. "What's so bad about that?"

"Think about it, you idiot! We're all related, for starters!" Asuka threw her hands up in the air. She sat down and began massaging her temples. "I can see where he gets his stupidity..."

"Relax, Asuka." Jun sat by her and patted her back. "It's Mishima-Kazama custom to breed with each other. It isn't a social taboo anymore."

"IT'S DISGUSTING!"

"It's romance." Lili smiled.

"SHUT UP, ROCHEFART!" Asuka shook her fist at Lili. Lili gasped. "Wait a minute, Aunt Jun. Did you say it's a custom?"

"Please, dear, call me Mom. And I did."

"So does that mean..."

"Yes. Kazuya and I are brother and sister."

_Thud._ Asuka passed out and everyone save for the three amigos surrounded her.

_After waking Asuka up and sending the group to their home room..._

"I really hate my fuckin' life..." Asuka buried her face on the table. Thankfully, Xiaoyu and Christie were her seat-mate. "Xiao, you okay?"

"..." Xiaoyu's face was pale as ever. She looked way too sick to her stomach.

"Xiao, what's wrong? Talk to me." Asuka rubbed Xiaoyu's back.

"Xiao? You want to see Nurse Anna?" Christie also rubbed Xiaoyu's back.

"..." Xiaoyu turned to each girl and it appears as if she's about to burst into tears.

"Hey, there. Don't worry, girl. We won't say anything," Christie encouraged her with a smile.

"Yeah, and judging the way old man Zabu is staring at Lili, I don't think she would, either..." Asuka turned over to Lili who sat next to Hwoarang and Steve. They all sat with their best behavior while Renegade Zabuza Momochi sat on a desk facing them, his arms placed on his thighs like your typical yakuza. He turned over to Asuka and gave a thumbs up.

"..." Xiaoyu was still in shock.

"Come on, Xiao! I just found out we're all related! I'm just as shocked, too!"

"..."

"Suki, I think we should take her to Anna."

"The hell is Anna going to treat her with? Silicone? How to seduce men?"

"It's better than nothing! Hey, you!" Christie poked the person in front of her.

"What?" King turned around. Armor King did the same.

"Where's our teacher?"

"How the hell should we know?" Leo raised an eyebrow. The three returned to their conversation about beer. Leo decided to wear feminine clothing this time.

"Men." Christie rolled her eyes and Leo gave her a dirty look. "And a butch."

"Xiao, sweetie, talk to us." Asuka suddenly became way too concerned about her friend and sister. Literally, sister.

"..." Xiaoyu suddenly dug in her bag and pulled out something. She placed it very, very slowly on their desk.

"What's this?" Christie picked it up.

"Oh... my... no. Xiao. No. Please don't tell me that is what I think it is." Asuka prepared for the worst.

"..." Xiaoyu placed her hands on her face and sobbed silently.

"It can't be." Christie held up the device and saw the dreaded plus sign.

"Xiao... I'm so sorry." Asuka hugged her now pregnant friend. Xiaoyu began weeping.

"Where is Jin?" Christie got up but couldn't find him.

Asuka tried her best to comfort Xiaoyu. Christie was on her laptop looking for possible explanations to such conception but ended up researching numerous crap after clicking every link. Lili, Hwoarang and Steve remained too stiff to move because Zabuza had been staring them down while idly patting his Kubikiri Houcho and occasionally taking smoke breaks because their teacher had been twenty minutes too late. Miguel and Eddy were seated with Ganryu and they exchanged tomato recipes. King, Armor King and Leo were discussing numerous issues regarding the drinking age while they engaged in a drinking contest. Leo passed out and King nudged Armor King who decided to have a feel. Surprisingly enough, Leo was well endowed and Armor King squirmed in his seat so he might have shot his load. He got up and rushed to the bathroom to clean up while King laughed, but he was too curious so he decided to have a feel. He too made a mess of himself and left the class to clean up. Julia was seated with Lightning and they were rolling weed together. Next to them was Mokujin and it felt very uncomfortable to be seated with the two. Jin entered the class room with an enormous back-pack and immediately, the two girls stared at him furiously while Xiaoyu began crying more. Devil Jin entered and punched regular Jin on the back of his head, laughing his ass off while he sat down. Jin grumbled and sat next to him and Devil Kazuya. Devil Jin propped his feet on the desk while Jin sat in between. Devil Kazuya had his arms folded and his wing kept smacking Devil Jin. Devil Jin gave Devil Kazuya the middle finger. Forrest Law was listening to Glory of Love while imagining himself as the Kung Fu Kid, while Paul was right next to him with a black eye. To Paul's right was Kuma.

"Where is the fuckin' teacher!" Armor King came up and so did King. Leo woke up and wondered why her shirt was unbuttoned. She shrugged and decided to button herself back up.

"SHUT THE FUCK UP!" Devil Jin shouted. Devil Kazuya just growled. "STOP GROWLING!"

"Think you're tough, boy?" Devil Kazuya got up and stood defiantly. Devil Jin did the same.

"WHAT, YOU BAD?" Armor King stood on their table, smashing Jin's crayons.

"HEY!" Jin whined.

"SHUT UP!" Devil Jin punched Jin's face. Xiaoyu smiled a little.

"No. You shut up." Devil Kazuya kicked Devil Jin through a wall and followed after him. Armor King did the same.

"Idiots." King rolled his eyes. He saw Leo and immediately sat down, placing an arm on her shoulder. "Hey, you're awake. How was your nap, cutie?" King smirked at Leo.

"Eh? What's with you, dude?" Leo asked while trying to hide the fact she's blushing.

"This be some good shit, Juls." Lightning passed the joint to Mokujin.

"I'm going to have to say a thousand Hail Maryes after this..." Mokujin took a hit from the joint.

"I'm totally hungry." Julia stared at Kuma. Kuma gulped.

"I AM THE MAN! WHO WILL FIGHTING FOR YOUR HONOR!" Forrest suddenly shouted. He was wearing a suit similar to Bruce Lee when he filmed Enter The Dragon. He punched Paul in the face, thereby giving him another black eye but the heavy impact also gave him a swollen lip.

"Who's our teacher anyway?" Asuka looked at her class schedule. "Oh, hell no. Juls. It's your mother."

"WHAT!" Julia's eyes went wide. She quickly put some Visine in her eyes and dunked herself with cold water.

"You sure can kick ass, man!" Armor King patted Devil Kazuya in the back while Devil Kazuya brushed his hands.

"He's all talk, no show. Annoying son." Devil Kazuya smirked. Devil Jin entered the classroom with crutches. He fell down and passed out while Jin got up and placed a bonsai tree on his wings.

"I need to pee..." Hwoarang said. He was still too terrified to move.

"Go pee." Zabuza glared at Hwoarang.

"I can't move..." Hwoarang gulped nervously.

"Then piss your pants." Zabuza smiled.

"I need to poo..." Steve said all of a sudden.

"Screw this!" Lili got up and folded her arms. She smiled seductively at Zabuza as an idea popped up. "So..." She walked sexily to the man and started making figure eights with her fingers on his muscular arms.

"Choose your words carefully, jailbait." Zabuza glared at Lili.

"I was just stretching..." Lili sat back in her seat as Hwoarang crapped himself. Steve saw that and held his laugh. Because it was too much, he too crapped himself. Hwoarang was about to laugh but he urinated himself. Steve held his laugh again but this time, he urinated himself. Lili's chair broke and she fell on the urine puddle and on Steve's diarrhea. She got up. "YOU MOTHER-"

"Choose your words carefully." Zabuza snickered.

"I'm perfectly okay..." Lili sat back down and tried texting Sebastian to help her. But before she could send the message, Zabuza had sent her one. It read, "Choose your words carefully." Her eyes went wide. "You weren't even holding a cell phone!"

"Who said there was just one of me?" Zabuza smiled.

"YOU HAVE FORSAKEN THE LAWS OF THE KETCHUP!" Miguel punched Ganryu's chin and sent him flying. Apparently, he didn't like Ganryu's recipes.

"INDEED!" Eddy punched Miguel for absolutely no reason but instead of sending Miguel flying, Eddy flew up because Miguel was laughing and walking to Eddy.

"I AM INVINCIBLE, DEAR BROTHER!" Miguel beat his chest triumphantly.

"Oh, hey, listen to this. Jackie Chan was busted by Lei Wulong for impersonating an officer. Weird, huh?" Christie read the article to her sisters.

"Really?" Xiaoyu looked at the article.

"Hey, you're talking again! You okay, Xiao?" Asuka asked.

"Well, yeah. I may be preggo with my own brother but it's still my child. Oh well." Xiaoyu sighed.

"Wait, what?" Zabuza turned over to the three sisters with a raised 'brow. Hwoarang, Steve and Lili tried to run away but were too stiff to move.

"You didn't know? You wrote this story!" Xiaoyu whined.

"I think this may be my clone's doing." Zabuza dialled Bed Head Reno's number. It went to his voice mail. "Dude. Check who's writing this crap. If it's Tifa, throw her ass out."

"What the hell, man!" Asuka threw an origami Zabuza at Zabuza. "Sheesh. But where is our damn teacher? Juls, where's your mother?"

"I have no idea. Light, where's the weed?" Julia nudged Lightning who was eating a cupcake.

"Leave me alone! I have to watch my figure!" Lightning began sobbing.

"We fo'twenty all day!" Mokujin passed out.

"I'm itchy." Jin scratches his nuts. He pulled out a pube and placed his fingers in Devil Kazuya's nose. "Do I stink?"

"What the fuck..." Devil Kazuya got up and looked like he was about to go through Armageddon with Jin.

"Damn, my head..." Devil Jin awoke to see his black feathers had been removed. He saw a bonsai tree with black feathers. He folded his wings to his front and saw white feathers instead. "Fuck no..."

"Hold still! I'm patching you up!" Angel whined. She was stitching up Devil Jin. "Stupid son of mine..."

"So are we getting that threesome or what?" Armor King inquired. Leo's mouth was open in shock.

"You guys are disgusting!" Leo slapped Armor King.

"Yeah, dude. You don't treat women like that," King defended. Leo's eyes were gleaming daydreamingly.

"Thank you, King." Leo blushed.

"Anytime. You take them on a few dates first. Then get them drunk and fool around." King smiled.

"You pig!" Leo got up and sat next to Miguel who was eating spaghetti.

"What? I think I was being nice about it!" King smashed the desk.

"Fail." Armor King folded his arms and smiled.

"Kiss my hairy, panthera ass." King furrowed his eyebrows.

"EVERYONE! Our teacher is coming!" Eddy rushed in the classroom with a bag of potato chips. Ganryu was behind him with a giant roasted pig. Paul's jaw dropped.

"MOMMY!" Paul went over to the roasted pig. It had Paul's mother's name engraved on it.

"SHIT!" Lightning, Mokujin and Julia hid the weed.

Everyone pretty much sat themselves down because they know how much of a bitch Michelle Chang was. She was a sweet mother and friend, sure, but as a teacher, she was mean as hell. Even the mighty Devil Jin and Devil Kazuya sat down and folded their wings properly. Angel sat on her teacher's assistant desk and prepared everything. Well, Jin was eating a sandwich and Renegade Zabuza Momochi leaned against the walls near the windows, right next to the three sisters. Asuka gave him a thumbs up and he returned the gesture before folding his arms and stared at the door. Xiaoyu stared at him, amazed at his muscular physique. He was pretty accurate as Zabuza but a bit more bigger and more defined, with more battle scars and instead of having his Mist Village forehead protector with the village's sigil scratched, it was a headband that read "RZM." She then thought of various possibilities of Zabuza adopting her forbidden love child with her, settling down as a family. Oh, she could picture it already; Zabuza with their son or daughter on his shoulders while the two went back home with Xiaoyu waving at them with an apron and a ladel. Ahhh, such a wonderful idea.

_What the fuck._ A Zabuza clone caught the culprit behind the idiotic chaos. _I'm sending your ass back to the grave._

_I'm only thinking about your interests, Zabuza-san..._ Haku whimpered. _We know you're annoyed by Tifa so I thought, "Hey, what about a Xiaoyu and Zabuza crossover?" _

_The next time you want to help, you can actually make sure the rest of my fellow clones are doing their jobs instead of hanging out with Naruto at the ramen shops._ The Zabuza clone handed Haku his security badge.

_Fine! Asshole. _Haku left the development room.

_Got your back, boss!_ The Zabuza clone gave a thumbs up and an award-winning smile that glistened.

_Good. Go back to writing and stop hanging around Maito and Rock._ RZM mentally ordered his clone.

_AYE-AYE!_

While everything was true, save for the Xiaoyu going overboard with her daydreaming, Xiaoyu had been staring at Zabuza who had a disgruntled expression. _What's with him..._

Asuka, who had been largely ignored during the second half of his chapter, dug deep into her back-pack and got out her notebook. All of a sudden, just before she opened it to draw various torture methods about Lili, drums started beating. And not just any drums; ominous tribal drums. Her cup of water even began showing shockwaves from the invisible vibrations from the drum's echoes. Everyone in the class, save for RZM who seems unfazed due to the fact he's friends with the school's staff and Jin who thinks the drums meant he should start dancing in his seat, was silently panicking. Especially Julia. Xiaoyu held a last gambit in case the class got in trouble for whatever and decided to use the pregnany excuse.

"Chrissy, Suki... I love you guys..." Xiaoyu began.

"Xiao, it's not the end of the world. It's homebase," Christie assured her.

"Let's get this over with." Asuka sighed.

"I... ca-ca-ca-ca-ca-ca-" Hwoarang began, stuttering.

"... can't move," Steve finished.

"I'm doomed..." Julia thought.

"Don't you mean we?" Lightning asked sarcastically and rhetorically. She tried to use sarcasm and a rhetoric to hide her fear. She crossed her legs and folded her arms but she was clearly shaking.

"I'm scared..." Mokujin held its arms over its face. Jin suddenly went to Mokujin and pissed on it. "WHAT THE FUCK, JIN!"

"I don't wanna' miss the lecture! Kuma does this all the time!" Jin started drawing the alphabets on Mokujin's face.

"Those are dogs, dumbass." Kuma was offended.

"Leo, let's have lunch together," King whispered to Leo.

"... No." Leo was going to slap King but thought it over.

"This is it, guys." Armor King looked to everyone who, save for the sisters and brothers, as well as RZM, returned the same sad look. It's as if everyone's expecting a planetary implosion.

"Relax, you will all do fine." RZM looked at his watch. "The hell are the drums for?"

The drumming stopped and everyone braced for the worst. The door opened and Dragunov entered the room. Dragunov turned and waved at Bob who was drumming on his stomach in a Santa Claus outfit. Then he closed the door and turned to the class. Everyone exchanged looks of confusion and relief as Dragunov made his way to the desk. Angel greeted him after writing "SUBSTITUTE" on the board with a marker. Dragunov opened his briefcase and was about to adddress the class- he even had his hand raised and mouth opened, hell, he even looked uncharacteristically cheerful today-, but the bell rang. Everyone got up simultaneously like they were about to bum rush through the door.

"All right; one, two, three- BREAK!" Armor King shouted, clapped his hands once, pointed at the door and everyone left the classroom in a rush.

"See you during team time, Mr. Dragunov!" Christie greeted warmly and calmly left the class with her sisters who were all arm-in-arm with Xiaoyu in the middle.

"See ya', sensei!" Asuka waved.

"Yeah, see ya'- HEY!" Xiaoyu yelled but was dragged out.

"In all my fifty-eight years of teaching and subbing, I have not at least once introduced myself to any of my students." Dragunov sighed and closed his briefcase. He sat down and leaned against his hand. RZM walked up casually to him while Angel held a giggle.

"Maybe you should put teaching first instead of black operations." RZM sat on Angel's desk while Angel rubbed Dragunov's shoulders.

"There's always next time, Draggy. Michelle Chang flew back to Arizona to teach Ogre's class so you should be here for quite a while," Angel reassured him.

"Oh well." Dragunov took out his notes. He even scheduled to take the class to his friend's bakery. "I guess I can do this during team time."

"You'll do great, Sergei. Mind if I?" RZM took out a stick of cigarette from his pocket.

"Be my guest. In fact, lend me one, will ya'?"

"Of course." RZM handed one over. He held out a stick for Angel. "Angel?"

"I'm good, thanks." Angel bit on an apple.

_During break..._

"That actually went okay. Weird..." Asuka pondered near the railings with her sisters.

"I know, right? What now?" Christie looked at the two of them and started pondering herself.

"I dunno'. The school was renovated overnight and I think it's four times the size of a mall. We should buy food," Xiaoyu suggested.

"I think sweets during mornings are a bad idea, Xiao." Asuka twisted her lips.

"I'm with a kid, remember?" Xiaoyu smiled, petting her stomach.

"You're having way too much fun, Xiao." Christie giggled.

"Well, I am hungry, too. Let's go- what the..." Asuka paused in tracks and saw Lili covered in crap.

"I found you, Asuka Kazama." Lili smiled and posed gracefully.

"I'm not in the mood, Lili. You smell like poo. Go away. Bye." Asuka and her sisters ditched the shit-covered Lili who screamed in humiliation. Everyone passing by took note of her smell and covered their noses.

"I'm so having my revenge!" Lili swore.

"Dude, Lili. Take a bath." Hwoarang approached Lili while rubbing his hair with a towel. Steve did the same except he placed his towel around his neck.

**AN:** This chapter was a bit more calm, but next chapter- chaos will return during lunch time. Why is it so random? Why are ALL humor fan-fics random? Answer that and I will award you with an RZM cupcake complete with a RZM candle. See you next time! Read and review!

**PS:** If you're wondering why and how Devil Jin and Devil Kazuya co-exist with their respective mortal forms, let's put it this way: you can select Devil Jin and fight against regular Jin, right? Hope that helps.


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